Northwest Pastor

Loving My Wife and Children More Than Ministry: "

By Bruce Wesley

Angry All the Time

Church planting exposed my emotional brokenness on two fronts. First, I was angry most of the time. My anger fueled my workaholism. Church planting required undivided attention and a willingness to correct matters quickly. Since anger actualizes a person, it became my partner. I lived just below the boiling point. Most people were unaware of my tendency to boil over; they simply felt that I was driven to make things happen. But my children walked on eggshells at home.

Emotional Detachment from Family

Secondly, two years after we planted Clear Creek Community Church, I recognized a feeling of emotional detachment from my wife and kids. I don’t remember where the question came from, but I asked myself, “What if my wife and children never feel loved by me?” I thought about how much of a failure I would be if I planted a church successfully, but I did not know how to love my wife and kids in a way that they felt cherished, protected and connected to me. What if I reached the end of my one and only life and thousands of people became Christians, but my children wanted nothing to do with me. That would be such a farce. So I called a friend who could help me work through my junk.

Anger is Omnidirectional

I hated the process of talking about what makes me tick. It actually hurt. But I learned so much about anger. Anger is omni-directional. It splashes on the people it was never intended to reach. Of the four basic emotions: mad sad, glad and scared, anger is the second emotion. We always feel one of the other emotions first, but we jump to anger because it’s the empowering emotion. That made sense to me since I stayed angry in order to stay engaged and solve problems. With anger, it was as if the house was always on fire.

Performance-Driven or Gospel-Driven?

My friend helped me see that my driven life and associated anger stemmed from my performance orientation. I was driven to perform and succeed because I believed successful people are loved. So anyone who stood in my way of success was cutting off my air and, thus, they were met with my wrath in response. I could morph from nice guy to killer in a nanosecond.

It was the gospel that changed me. One day my friend said to me, “There is nothing you can do that will make God love you more and nothing you can do that will make God love you less.” I had said the same thing many times. But when I heard the statement, God’s Spirit opened my heart to grace. I realized that I was trying to earn God’s love through hard work and success. That’s why I was angry and the people I loved were being pushed away. It’s when I learned to preach the gospel to myself that my emotional world changed. Under grace, in light of the gospel, I became self-controlled.

In retrospect, we were exposing the idols in my life. And the gospel continues to set me free more than a decade later. I’m grateful. So are my wife and kids.

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Training on Gospel Fluency: "This is the recording of the training I recently did for our Missional Community leaders on developing a culture of where people are becoming Gospel FluentThe notes for the training are:Gospel FluencyBy Jeff VandersteltGospel GrowthSpeaking the TRUTH in Love IN MinistryIn Ephesians 4:11-16, we are instructed about the means by which the Church grows up into maturity. God gives certain people to"

Husband and wife: "

“Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

God made Adam first and put him in the Garden with a job to do, a mission to fulfill. In the heart of every fallen man is the self-doubt that wonders, “Am I man enough to climb this mountain God has called me to? Can I fulfill my destiny?” A wise wife will understand that question at the center of her husband’s heart. And she will spend her life answering it, communicating to him in various ways, “Honey, I believe in your call. I know you can do this, by God’s power. Go for it.” In this way, she will breathe life into her man.

God made Eve from Adam, for Adam, to help him follow the call. In the heart of every fallen woman is the self-doubt that wonders, “Do I please you? Am I what you wanted?” A wise husband will understand that question at the center of his wife’s heart. And he will spend his life answering it, communicating to her in various ways, “Darling, you are the one I need. I cherish you. Let me hold you close.” In this way, he will breathe life into his wife.

Husband and wife is a post from: Ray Ortlund

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Forgiveness must go before sanctification: ""

This Week with Henri Nouwen – Be Yourself: "

“Often we want to be somewhere other than where we are, or even to be someone other than who we are. We tend to compare ourselves constantly with others and wonder why we are not as rich, as intelligent, as simple, as generous, or as saintly as they are. Such comparisons make us feel guilty, ashamed, or jealous. It is very important to realize that our vocation is hidden in where we are and who we are. We are unique human beings, each with a call to realize in life what nobody else can, and to realize it in the concrete context of the here and now.

We will never find our vocations by trying to figure out whether we are better or worse than others. We are good enough to do what we are called to do. Be yourself!” - Henri Nouwen

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Stop Going to Church: "

What is the difference between going to church and being the church? In a recent blog post for Boundless Webzine called Stop Going to Church, Jonathan Dodson talks about how his life was radically changed when he stopped simply going to church. Comparing some of today’s churches to fortresses, shopping malls, and cemeteries, Dodson calls us to remember that the church is intended to be a family.

More on Jonathan Dodson and his ministry can be found at his blog, Creation Project.

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No such thing as performance-based Christianity: ""